Hygge. The Danish Secret to Happiness
I’m not sure what shiny object* crossed my path 10 days ago, but something did and made me aware of hygge. I listened to the book while doing a task I don’t enjoy — pulling weeds — and it was the perfect book at the perfect time.
The Little Book of Hygge (pronounce HOO-GA) Danish Secrets to Happy Living is by Meik Wiking the CEO of the Happiness Research Institute, Copenhagen, Denmark. He makes it clear from the start that Denmark scores as one of the happiest populations in the world.
What is hygge? Wiking explains it as,
“Hygge is about an atmosphere and an experience, rather than about things. It is about being with the people we love. A feeling of home. A feeling that we are safe, that we are shielded from the world and allow ourselves to let our guard down. You may be having an endless conversation about the small or big things in life — or just be comfortable in each other’s silent company — or simply just be by yourself enjoying a cup of tea.”
Wiking defines the Hygge Manifesto in the following ten attributes:
1. Atmosphere (lighting is a key factor here.)
2. Presence (may also be considered Mindfulness in American folklore.)
3. Pleasure (Sweets! Sex! Socializing!)
4. Equality (sharing tasks and talk)
5. Gratitude (realizing how lucky we are)
6. Harmony (being in tune with ourselves and each other)
7. Comfort (there’s a lot about warm socks)
8. Truce (no drama. No politics)
9. Togetherness (You can have hygge alone, but hygge is all about being with others)
10. Shelter (place is important, be it a country or a nook in a room, the place is cozy and safe)
Why did this little book resonate with me? I’m not sure, but here are a few thought I have on my personal hygge journey.
Togetherness
I have been alone since my husband died three years ago. I have had many, many hygge moments since his death. I traveled the Rocky Mountains skiing solo for two seasons and have had the proverbial Rocky Mountain High in many forms, in many ways, many times. I have been happy alone.
But I can now say I have experienced shared happiness and it completes the circle. The Little Book of Hygge says the optimal size of a hygge group is 3–4. I think that is true. I have laughed out loud by myself, with a best friend, with a pickleball group of four. Shared joy is multiplied.
Shelter
Last week I was ready to write about the importance of place. I had just been to my childhood home in Montana for ten days during the saddest of time — the death of my brother. Home, in spite of tragedy, symbolizes safety, belonging, comfort, togetherness. And there was no place more important to be on the saddest of times than to be home.
I have come to realize I have many homes, many places of shelter and safety. This spring I had been considering selling the lake home that my husband and I bought 20 years ago. It was part of our plan. Yet when I saw the lake at the end of the driveway, the green of the grass and trees against the blue of the water and sky, I knew the time wasn’t right to sell. My lake home had been my retreat during the tumultuous days and years after Scot died, and I realized I wasn’t ready to let go of the comfort and healing I have experienced there. I may be ready to let go of the lake home someday, but that day is not today.
Harmony and Truce
I will be the first to say that after this last presidential election, my anxiety level sank to a manageable level, my obsession with watching the news evaporated, and I realized how much of my life had been wrapped up in discordant political discussions. My late husband was one of the drivers of this discourse. I rarely talk politics anymore, and if I do, it’s not the focal point of the conversation.
I’ve also had more thoughtful discussions about the fundamentals of life, and I have definitely had many, many conversations filled with laughter. I love to laugh, and I love to be around friends who make me laugh. Just last night I was on the phone at midnight with a girlfriend and we were laughing so hard we were crying. That, to me, is true harmony.
Equality
I know I can be a force to be reckoned with. It’s just who I am. I can’t really scale back much, the power of personality is just there. So it’s probably not surprising that the people with whom I can be most hygge are those who can push back or withstand the force. I have lots of interests and lots of goals in my life. It’s ok if my friends are different, but don’t expect me to wait around. The bus is leaving the station; get on or get out of the way.
And there’s nothing I love more than someone who has their own varied interests and goals. It all makes for an interesting ride.
Pleasure
One of the definitions of hygge in Wiking’s book is “cocoa by candlelight.” Pleasure comes in many packages, but sweets are definitely on the top of the list. I would add red meat to that list, too.
During the time of Covid while I was sheltering alone for a year at the lake house, I realized I hadn’t touched another person for months. And while I was not unhappy, I realized how alone I had been. I was alone, but not lonely. When I got my first Covid vaccination shot, I was crying from relief and happiness — that this time of isolation would be ending, and I would once again feel the warm hug from another person. Small but critical pleasures.
As Wiking would say, a person can experience hygge alone, but hygge is meant to be shared.
Gratitude
I have said many times in the past few months how incredibly lucky I have been. I have been lucky — to have had family and friends supporting me; to have the financial resources to weather the storm; to have the good health to enjoy it all. I am truly thankful.
On Goodreads when I searched on HYGGE, a reviewer wrote a quote credited to many individuals, one being Alexander Chalmers a Scottish writer.
The three grand essentials of happiness are:
Something to do,
Someone to love, and
Something to hope for.
I am so lucky and thankful to have all the essentials for a happy life. And I plan on creating more hygge around me, too.
*I thought everyone knew what I referred to when I wrote about shiny objects crossing my path. I live in an ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) world. I am ADHD, my husband was hyper-focused ADHD, my sons and daughter are ADHD or ADD. A shiny object distracts us and changes our focus. Too many shiny objects crossing our paths means NOTHING gets done. On the other hand, hyper-focused ADHD means the person focuses intently on one thing to the exclusion of all else — like fire alarms, screams for help, or the dinner bell.
